Have you ever wondered how in the hell other people's DIY projects always turn out so perfectly? Do you spend countless $$ in materials only to produce an item strikingly similar to one you made in 3rd grade? Relax, some of us suck too. In case you happen to also be DIY challenged, I thought I'd let you in on a little project of mine that turned out like shit.
Make the world's crappiest lampshade in
only eleven easy steps!
Step One: Buy an old funky lamp at your local thrift store. $15 is more than I'd have liked to spend but it's cool, dirty and I need a bedside light.
Step Two: Realize that the shade you had in mind is cheesy and think, "Hey, I write a design blog - I'll make one myself!"
Step Three: Bask in the thought of your readers witnessing your mini-miracle of creation.
Step Four: Get out the construction paper, wire hanger, elmer's glue and anything else you used in 2nd grade. Pour yourself a congratulatory glass of wine.
Step Five: Attempt to bend the freakishly strong hanger into something mildly resembling a circle.
Step Six: Keep pasting layers of cardstock on top of each other until it could pass for a shade.
Step Seven: Finally understand that one hanger and a bunch of paper do not make a lampshade. Dig around your house for anything else that holds shape. Have another glass.
Step Eight: Attach old origami paper and janky metal strip to exterior of shade.
Step Nine: Decide that metal and paper can not be held by .99 cent glue. Screw strip in place.
Step Ten: Take cute antler salt shaker you got for Christmas and rest it on the top like a finial. This will fall off the second you breathe so don't. Take Hipster Havens photos...........
.............and, viola!
Step Eleven: Drink 'til she's pretty.
It looks better from far away. Hope this helps the rest of you not feel like losers. Maybe my mom will tape it to the fridge.
Ha ha! That's awesome! The hard thing about lampshades is that when the light is on, it highlights every single flaw. I made a lampshade once, but I just bought an existing lamp shade at Target and then cut holes in it to replace them with black & white photographs that had to do with "light". It was a high school photography project. I wonder what happened to it... I'm sure it made its way to the garage, then attic, then trash. My mom is very skilled at purging.
Posted by: freshie | January 28, 2008 at 04:09 PM
You are pretty funny. I tried doing that before to and it turned out pretty much the same.
Posted by: McKenna | January 30, 2008 at 01:47 AM
I will give you $500 for that work of art!
Posted by: Simon | February 19, 2008 at 11:53 AM
I am a lampshade maker that just stumbled upon your blog entry and laughed so hard I cried. You should definitely get an award for the process, interesting technique.
Posted by: lampshade maker | March 16, 2008 at 09:39 AM
Wine makes all craft projects look pretty :)
Posted by: Condo Blues | June 26, 2008 at 06:32 PM
Thank you for this post! I am not the only lampshade klutz.
My best lampshade project was when I found a toppled belisha beacon and pinched the globe. I made a little wooden cross that served as bulb holder and feet.
But whenever I have tried to coax form out of flat things, it's almost always resulted in ugly.
Posted by: sweavo | December 01, 2008 at 03:52 AM